Drowning...

So my son almost drowned this past Friday.  Seriously.  I'd taken the kids swimming and set up the baby's pack n play under the covered patio at my cousin's.  I was in the water with them for about an hour and then took the baby to the pack n play.  I could still see everyone.  I was just a table length away from the pool.  I saw my son's head.  He was out of the water.  On the other side of the table.  What I didn't see was on the other side of that table he was shimmying out of his life jacket.  My daughter and her friend came running up asking to take their life jackets off and giggling.  I said no and then looked to count heads again.  I couldn't see Knox. I went to the pool and there was my son lying face up about 3 inches below the surface, eyes wide with terror, no life vest, arms spread... I didn't even think.  I jumped, while screaming his name.  I pulled him from the water.  He began to cough but was screaming that he couldn't take a deep breath because it hurt too bad.  I'd read an article about secondary drowning.  One of the symptoms was chest pain.  We went to the emergency room where a chest X-ray showed a little water in his lungs, so off to Texas Children's to be monitored.  He is fine and was sent home that night after a second X-ray showed clear lungs.  He did throw up a ton of water during our transition from the ER to Texas Children's and then they said his body probably peed the rest out.
I replay it in my head constantly.  What if I hadn't gotten there in time? How could something like that happen so fast? How could it happen so silently? But the question that keeps me up the most at night is why did he do it? How many times have I told them they could never get in the water without their floaties? I don't shy away from death.  I tell them that they can't swim and without a float or an adult they will sink and drown.  I've told them how dangerous it is.  I've never let them go near the water without a floaty on.  So why didn't he believe me?? Why did my daughter think it was funny instead of scary when she saw him? Haven't I proven that I only work for their good? That I look after them and try my hardest to keep them safe?? WHY WOULD HE QUIETLY TAKE HIS FLOATS OFF AND GET IN THE WATER WITHOUT THEM?? Haven't I proven myself trustworthy to them?? Why didn't they trust my words??
Last night was when it hit me.  I don't know why Knox chose to ignore my warnings.  I don't know why it didn't scare Blythe. I do know that this resembles so many of our christian lives though.  God has proven so faithful.  He has proven to work for our good time and time again.  He has kept his promises.  He has rescued us from death and rescued us from ourselves time and time again.  He has proven himself trustworthy.  And not just abundantly in my life but throughout history.  Read His word.  Look at the prophecies that came true.  Look at how many times he saved His people and yet.... How many times do we think we know better? How many times do we not trust Him or heed His warnings? WHAT IS WRONG WITH US? Why do we not obey a God who has proven He knows better and He is trustworthy?
My husband was reading something the other day and said the devil only shows us the good parts, the earthly joys and never shows us the consequences or the ugly eternity of hell. Where as God shows us all the parts.  He never says obedience will be easy. He never says your life will be all cupcakes and rainbows if you follow Him.  He actually says the opposite.  He also says it will still be worth it.  Eternity with Him is worth it.  So, where the devil and our sinful nature tells us to get in the pool without a jacket, that maybe our mom doesn't know best, that maybe the Lord is not looking out for you...he doesn't tell you that getting in will only lead to death.  That you will be consumed and overcome by the water and will die.  Depending on ourselves will lead to death and more than likely it will catch you by surprise.  Now the Lord tells us that trusting him will not be easy, obeying Him will not be easy, but He is good and He is trustworthy and His way will lead to LIFE.  His way leads to eternal joy, peace, comfort, happiness.  His way is always better.  Obey God. Don't drown.

Isaiah 25:8-12English Standard Version (ESV)

8 

    He will swallow up death forever;

and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces,

    and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth,

    for the Lord has spoken.

9 

It will be said on that day,

    “Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us.

    This is the Lord; we have waited for him;

    let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation.”

10 

For the hand of the Lord will rest on this mountain,

    and Moab shall be trampled down in his place,

    as straw is trampled down in a dunghill.[a]

11 

And he will spread out his hands in the midst of it

    as a swimmer spreads his hands out to swim,

    but the Lord will lay low his pompous pride together with the skill[b] of his hands.

12 

And the high fortifications of his walls he will bring down,

    lay low, and cast to the ground, to the dust.

Revelation 21:4-8English Standard Version (ESV)

4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” 6 And he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. 7 The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son. 8 But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.”

Until next time...

Uh oh....

Haha! Made you look! I know anyone who actually reads this blog (or used to read it since I haven't written anything in a while) clicked on the title 'Uh oh' and thought I would be announcing I'm pregnant AGAIN! Well........

Just Kidding.  I'm NOT pregnant.  While I was pregnant with Everett I kept telling everyone I was ready for a different kind of struggle, a different adventure.  So I had my tubes tied and so far they are holding up! Our pregnancy journeys were all encompassing- infertility, heartache, miscarriage, scares with the baby.  We went through different struggles, but through it all God grew us closer to Him and closer to each other.  I have never believed Romans 8:28 more than I do now:

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."

Hindsight definitely is 20/20.  I'm so thankful I serve a God that gives me hope even in the darkest times and works to grow me and stretch me to deepen my relationship with Him.  I am thankful for a God that knows me and still loves me. 

Now on to that new adventure.... :)

Yep, the new adventure is already in the works and its quite possibly the most terrifying and exciting one yet.  A little less than two years ago K and I got a kid free vacation.  Of course we went to Colorado, because that's where we always go and because it's awesome.  We wanted to climb a mountain, but we also wanted to visit Denver Seminary.  K started seminary when we moved to Dallas about 9 years ago but never finished due to infertility costs.  That battle was a tough one and it brought us back to Houston, where we found a new doctor and well most of you know how that story goes.  The desire for K to finish his seminary degree has never left him, so we went to check out the campus. While there we were overwhelmed with how much we loved it and how we felt God was calling us there.  So we came home and prayed about it and were almost ready to leap when we found  out about baby #3...(thanks to our kid free trip!!)! Well, God couldn't be asking us to move away from family and my doctor with a third kid on the way, right???? So we didn't leap.  And that's when the hardest two years of our marriage started.  K tried to learn through our awesome church staff and the resources they offer, he tried to start classes online but something always got in the way.  Mostly his job but also health issues, wife issues, kids health issues, two year old issues, having a third baby issues, family health issues... My pregnancy with Everett was rough.  I was so emotional and so worried after the miscarriage.  I had issues the whole first trimester that wouldn't put my mind at ease and then at the 12 week screening there was a 1% chance (or something small like that) that what they saw could mean Everett could have down syndrome.  It lead to more stress and more appointments. Oh, and then I fell on the stairs and had to sit and monitor her all day at the doctor's office! I was a worried mess. K took a new job that he thought would free up some time and be a good change for him.... Instead it turned into a 60+ hour a week job, working through the night and on the weekends. Every time K would have a class at the church, he would have to miss due to work.  It was stressing him out.  It was stressing me out.  Some weeks he would go days without seeing the kids because they would be asleep before he got home and he would leave in the mornings before they woke up.  I was suffering from postpartum depression like I never had before.  I kept going to different doctors and telling them something was wrong and they would do blood work and tell me nothing was wrong.  K ended up in the hospital suffering from numbness and they thought he might have MS.  He would come home and be afraid to do anything but lay down.  All of this while dealing with zero sleep and adjusting to a family of five.  Which completely rocked our world.  I could keep going, but I'm tired just thinking about it and I'm tired of thinking about it.... The world won for too long with us.  Instead of pushing into God during this time, I focused on the world and the anxieties it brings.  I let the world make a fool out of me.  In January I went back to my doctor, who is amazing and God has used her twice now to slap me back to reality, and she did blood work again but then told me I needed to see a psychiatrist.  She was blunt and she was honest and that was what I needed. It snapped me awake.  I say I love God more than anything and that I trust Him.  How can I be such a bitter, sad, worried mess?? Where had I been putting God during the last two years. I had been relying on myself, on K, and on the world and they were all failing.  Because everything will fail you EXCEPT CHRIST.  The world will tell you the opposite, but I am not made for this world.  I needed Christ.  I needed to rely on the Holy Spirit in me to pull me through the trenches, to give me strength when I am weak, to give me energy when I am tired, to do more for others than myself.  K sought out doctors too for his ailments.  It turns out most of his problems were being caused by stress and panic attacks.  This was not the life we were created for.  This was not being so filled with the Holy Spirit that is was overflowing onto all those we met.  This was not obedience to God.  This was not living.  We started praying more, reading the bible more, and we read You and Me Forever by Francis Chan.  It's awesome and you should read it.  God used those things to change K and I's focus.  We sat down and said it was time for a change.  We couldn't do life like this anymore.  What were we going to do? We talked about our strengths, our weaknesses, our longings, what we feel called to do by God.  We came to a point and it was "shit or get off the pot!" I love that saying.  We couldn't live life with a foot in and a foot out.  We needed to go to school or give it up and dig in where we were.  We prayed, we sought God and K applied for on campus housing at Denver seminary.  Two years later and God brought us back to exactly the same point.  With lessons learned the hard way, with a humbled spirit, and finally with arms wide open to whatever he calls us to do.  We heard from the seminary about two weeks ago.  Twenty-two families applied for three bedroom apartments.  Two were available and we were number two.  God called us to leap and this time we obey with walls torn down and arms wide open.  We obey.  

We trust that God will provide and have seen him already do so in so many ways.  Our family has been so amazing and supportive.  Our friends who could have given up on us the last two years but didn't have been our support and our help. We have seen God move, we have heard Him call us, and we leap.  

Until next time....