Just Kidding. I'm NOT pregnant. While I was pregnant with Everett I kept telling everyone I was ready for a different kind of struggle, a different adventure. So I had my tubes tied and so far they are holding up! Our pregnancy journeys were all encompassing- infertility, heartache, miscarriage, scares with the baby. We went through different struggles, but through it all God grew us closer to Him and closer to each other. I have never believed Romans 8:28 more than I do now:
"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
Hindsight definitely is 20/20. I'm so thankful I serve a God that gives me hope even in the darkest times and works to grow me and stretch me to deepen my relationship with Him. I am thankful for a God that knows me and still loves me.
Now on to that new adventure.... :)
Yep, the new adventure is already in the works and its quite possibly the most terrifying and exciting one yet. A little less than two years ago K and I got a kid free vacation. Of course we went to Colorado, because that's where we always go and because it's awesome. We wanted to climb a mountain, but we also wanted to visit Denver Seminary. K started seminary when we moved to Dallas about 9 years ago but never finished due to infertility costs. That battle was a tough one and it brought us back to Houston, where we found a new doctor and well most of you know how that story goes. The desire for K to finish his seminary degree has never left him, so we went to check out the campus. While there we were overwhelmed with how much we loved it and how we felt God was calling us there. So we came home and prayed about it and were almost ready to leap when we found out about baby #3...(thanks to our kid free trip!!)! Well, God couldn't be asking us to move away from family and my doctor with a third kid on the way, right???? So we didn't leap. And that's when the hardest two years of our marriage started. K tried to learn through our awesome church staff and the resources they offer, he tried to start classes online but something always got in the way. Mostly his job but also health issues, wife issues, kids health issues, two year old issues, having a third baby issues, family health issues... My pregnancy with Everett was rough. I was so emotional and so worried after the miscarriage. I had issues the whole first trimester that wouldn't put my mind at ease and then at the 12 week screening there was a 1% chance (or something small like that) that what they saw could mean Everett could have down syndrome. It lead to more stress and more appointments. Oh, and then I fell on the stairs and had to sit and monitor her all day at the doctor's office! I was a worried mess. K took a new job that he thought would free up some time and be a good change for him.... Instead it turned into a 60+ hour a week job, working through the night and on the weekends. Every time K would have a class at the church, he would have to miss due to work. It was stressing him out. It was stressing me out. Some weeks he would go days without seeing the kids because they would be asleep before he got home and he would leave in the mornings before they woke up. I was suffering from postpartum depression like I never had before. I kept going to different doctors and telling them something was wrong and they would do blood work and tell me nothing was wrong. K ended up in the hospital suffering from numbness and they thought he might have MS. He would come home and be afraid to do anything but lay down. All of this while dealing with zero sleep and adjusting to a family of five. Which completely rocked our world. I could keep going, but I'm tired just thinking about it and I'm tired of thinking about it.... The world won for too long with us. Instead of pushing into God during this time, I focused on the world and the anxieties it brings. I let the world make a fool out of me. In January I went back to my doctor, who is amazing and God has used her twice now to slap me back to reality, and she did blood work again but then told me I needed to see a psychiatrist. She was blunt and she was honest and that was what I needed. It snapped me awake. I say I love God more than anything and that I trust Him. How can I be such a bitter, sad, worried mess?? Where had I been putting God during the last two years. I had been relying on myself, on K, and on the world and they were all failing. Because everything will fail you EXCEPT CHRIST. The world will tell you the opposite, but I am not made for this world. I needed Christ. I needed to rely on the Holy Spirit in me to pull me through the trenches, to give me strength when I am weak, to give me energy when I am tired, to do more for others than myself. K sought out doctors too for his ailments. It turns out most of his problems were being caused by stress and panic attacks. This was not the life we were created for. This was not being so filled with the Holy Spirit that is was overflowing onto all those we met. This was not obedience to God. This was not living. We started praying more, reading the bible more, and we read You and Me Forever by Francis Chan. It's awesome and you should read it. God used those things to change K and I's focus. We sat down and said it was time for a change. We couldn't do life like this anymore. What were we going to do? We talked about our strengths, our weaknesses, our longings, what we feel called to do by God. We came to a point and it was "shit or get off the pot!" I love that saying. We couldn't live life with a foot in and a foot out. We needed to go to school or give it up and dig in where we were. We prayed, we sought God and K applied for on campus housing at Denver seminary. Two years later and God brought us back to exactly the same point. With lessons learned the hard way, with a humbled spirit, and finally with arms wide open to whatever he calls us to do. We heard from the seminary about two weeks ago. Twenty-two families applied for three bedroom apartments. Two were available and we were number two. God called us to leap and this time we obey with walls torn down and arms wide open. We obey.
We trust that God will provide and have seen him already do so in so many ways. Our family has been so amazing and supportive. Our friends who could have given up on us the last two years but didn't have been our support and our help. We have seen God move, we have heard Him call us, and we leap.
Until next time....
No comments:
Post a Comment