A bittersweet ending...

So Friday, June 7th, was my last official day as a teacher.  My final day did not feel like I expected.

The weeks and even months leading up to this day had been filled with pure excitement and anticipation for the year to end.  This was not because I hated my job or anything, but this school year was especially difficult.  Since Blythe was born in September, I didn't start the year until the end of November.  With Thanksgiving and Christmas break I really didn't get in the swing of things until January.  My students were, however, already in full swing and I had to come in to "let's see what we can get away with" attitudes.  I was working with a different team of teachers this year and I HATED LEAVING BLYTHE EVERYDAY! I know I was just leaving her with my mom, but I wanted to spend so much more time with her.  I also never understood just how hard it was to be a working mom and I never realized how little sleep you can actually get and still function the next day!

So when I started my count down at 20 weeks before the school year ended, all I was thinking about was 20 weeks until I get to see Blythe all day, 15 weeks until we can take naps together after she's been up all night, 10 weeks until I get to be the one to take her to the park, 5 weeks until I never have to be cussed at by a particular student again, 3 weeks until I can do laundry during the week instead of wasting my Sunday, 1 week until I can actually make dinner for my husband again ( I wasn't really looking forward to that one but it needed to be done!)...

I was not thinking about all the people I would miss.  I was not thinking about the students who crack me up every day.  I was not thinking about how much joy I get when a student tells me I'm their favorite teacher.  I was not thinking about the joy my 4th period class had when I told them they all passed our end of course exam.  I was not thinking about how for so many of my students I am the only one they see all day that truly cares about them.  I was not thinking about how few opportunities I'll have to use permanent markers now!  I was not thinking about the ones in my homeroom who crowded around my desk every morning to tell me about all the events in their life, how one boy would always have to stop everybody and say "It's my turn now!"  I was not thinking about who was going to listen to their stories now.  I was not thinking about Tina and Rebecca cracking me up every day and sharing our lives with each other.  I was not thinking about all the things I will miss about teaching and miss at Shaw Middle School.

So my final day was not filled with cart wheels and hoops and hollers of excitement like I thought.  It was filled with worry about what I am if I'm not a teacher, with sadness about who and what I will miss, with joy for knowing I get to pour into my daughter and husband like I haven't been able to while working, with some excitement that all change brings, and with a little fear of how this new phase in life will go.

To sum up: I will miss teaching.  I will miss my students (even the butt cracks!), but I am going to go play with my daughter :)

Until next time...