Surrender...

I started reading Restless: Because You Were Made for More by Jennie Allen this week.  This is what I've needed to hear for a long time.  This is the kick in the butt I have needed.  I'm only on chapter 4 and I feel the pull to do more...to not waste another minute of my short life daydreaming, wishing, planning and START ACTING.  

"Our God is real.

Our God is coming.

Our God has plans for us.

Our lives are short.

WE MUST GET AFTER IT.

Because heaven is coming fast.

And what we are about to do here is urgent.

It's more urgent than we could ever imagine.  We get to play little parts in the epic story of a God who put this whole universe in motion with a word." [Restless Pg. 20]

I've known our lives here are short... 

"...For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." James 4:14

But do I really feel the urgency?? If I did, wouldn't I stop caring about what the world thinks of me...wouldn't I run to everyone I know and share the gospel, wouldn't I care less about what my friends think and instead make them uncomfortable with my urgency!?!?!?!?  So what stops me from feeling the urgency? At the end of chapter 4 the author asks what could cause us to miss his plans for us?  Here is my answer: I haven't fully surrendered to Christ.  I am afraid of His plan.  I am absorbed in this world.  I am distracted and idolatrous.  

(1) I haven't fully surrendered to Christ.  

This one might scare me the most.  All my other excuses are tied into this one.  This is a point Ms. Allen makes in her book.  I cannot know God's plan for me if I am not willing to follow it.  If someone asked me if I would give up everything to follow God's plan, my immediate response would be yes.  However, if I am truly honest with myself it would be...I don't know.  I would like to think I am ready for anything.  I have longed to do mission work in another country.  To do something grand in His name....but the key there is somewhere else.  Going to another country to spread His word does not scare me like being asked to spread His word in my own neighborhood. Am I willing to give up my own sense of comfort and security permanently if asked to? Mission trips are temporary and with people I will likely never see again.  I do not like this being pointed out to me.  Surrendering everything is not easy, but I must do it... "because heaven is coming fast." I have wasted too much time already.  

(2) I am afraid of His plan

I am afraid of being asked to do something I am uncomfortable with.  It is such a silly thing.  God created this world.  He created me.  

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I should have nothing to fear.  Everything He does is working for my good.  My comfort is nothing compared to an eternity without Christ.  Because that is what is at stake here.  Eternity.  I know the good news of Christ and I risk people's eternity because I don't want to share the news and risk my comfort.  That could not sound more ridiculous to me right now.  That could not sound more selfish or cowardly.  I am ready to be uncomfortable.  I am ready to be uncomfortable.  I am ready to be uncomfortable. Christ died for my sins so I can live eternally with Him.  I am called to spread His word.  This is one step.

(3) I am absorbed in this world

When I am focused on this world I have a hard time hearing.  My mind is going in circles and I cannot focus.  Since I've had children I find I have trouble focusing even when someone is talking directly to me.  I catch myself thinking oh crap what did they just say?? My mind is following Blythe around and making sure Knox is okay.  If I can't even pay attention to someone directly in front of me, how can I hear Christ's plan for me?? I know Christ has entrusted me with these two awesome kids and I cannot just ignore them, but I also cannot put my sole focus on them.  I need my time to focus on Christ, on knowing Him and following Him.  

(4) I am distracted and Idolatrous

I think I covered being distracted in my last point and I think I've covered my idols in all my points... Control, comfort, the world/my children.  Lord, continue to show me my idols and strip them away from me.  Nothing should come before Him.

To any of you who read this: please hold me accountable to these words.

Until next time...