I am tired.
My mind is tired. My body is tired. My soul is tired.
My mind is tired because I have an almost 2 year old and a 3 month old and my mind just can't seem to stop. Do we have enough wipes? Diapers? What's for breakfast, lunch, dinner? Have I done all the laundry? Nope, not the towels! It's time to vacuum again?!? Has Knox gotten enough tummy time? When was his last bath?!? Did I spend enough quality time with Blythe? With Knox? Does a mom ever NOT feel guilty?? Seriously. I'm not just rambling anymore.... Is there a time when you don't feel guilty? AND back to rambling.... What's that smell? Who needs a diaper change? When was the last time I even changed diapers? Why did I just walk into this room? Where was I going? What was I about to do? Will I ever have a brain again?!?! The outlook does not look good... :) Blah, blah, blah.... I could go on and on and on.
My body is tired because I have an almost 2 year old and a 3 month old. Blythe is full of energy and wants to play from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to bed and Knox ... Well it depends on the moment if he's full of tears or smiles or poop :). Blythe still takes 1 nap and Knox takes lots of little ones, but they don't coincide very often. So no naps for mommy (even if I could justify taking one with the state this house is in!), but at least it gives me some guaranteed one on one time with each of my beautiful babies. My body is also tired because Nicole Stilwell has been kicking its butt! In case you are wondering...Nicole is an amazing trainer (and friend!) who is helping me lose ALL this baby weight.... Down 12 pounds in 6 weeks!! You can check Nicole out at www.mybrickhousefitness.com! Sorry, enough bragging and back to being tired. These workouts have me sore and tired but it's the good kind of sore and tired. The kind of tired that makes you get amazing sleep at night (when your 3 month old allows it) and the good kind of sore you feel from knowing you worked hard and are doing something good for yourself. It's exhausting but great.
My soul is tired for the same reason my body is tired. The good kind of tired. I am experiencing a time in my walk with Christ where he is working on me. He is chiseling away at me, refining me, pushing me and yes I'm tired, but it feels amazing. I am reading a book called Restless: Because You Were Made for More by Jennie Allen. I wrote about it a little while ago and I HIGHLY recommend it. This book compares your walk with Christ to running a race, a marathon. I feel like I am beginning to understand how to run. To not just sit on the sidelines but to run the race. Yes, it can be exhausting but it is oh so good. Imagine the finish line. When you are exhausted, sore, hurt from falls during the race, just completely worn out.... and there stands The Lord. The race is finally over. You can finally truly rest. Your hurts can be healed with the promise of never hurting again...with the promise of true rest and restoration...with pure joy. Now my running might be ugly with lots of stops along the way and would not be possible without Christ, but I still hope I can stand before my savior and say I ran. I was tired and wanted to quit sometimes, but I ran. So I run because He called me to run. I run because He enabled me to run. I run because He gave me the strength to run. I run because I want to spend an eternity in His presence. I run because my desire is to please Him. Yes it is hard and yes I fall a thousand times, but the end is more than worth it. I am thankful that a God who created the universe still takes time to refine me, to work out my soul. I am thankful for good friends to run this race with. I am thankful for authors like Jennie Allen who follow God's calling to teach and to share. I am thankful for church and small group and small group leaders who encourage and push me to do more. I am thankful because this race is important, because Christ uses these people to help me continue my run. This race is the most important thing in my life. It is more important than my husband, than my children, than my comfort, than my own life. I cannot sit on the sidelines anymore. I am running and it feels good.
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