Galatians... Colossians... and Sacred Marriage

^{Galatians 5:16-26}

¹⁶ But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. ¹⁷ For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. ¹⁸ But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. ¹⁹ Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, ²⁰ idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, ²¹ envy,^[d] drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. ²² Butthe fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. ²⁴ And those who belong to Christ Jesushave crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

²⁵ If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

This was the scripture taught last Sunday and this is the scripture that is bent on reshaping me... It brought something to my attention that needs to change and I have been sorely tested since that realization.  While listening to the verse on Sunday, I had to look up what enmity meant.  Here is the definition: the state or feeling of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something.  As I read the definition, my first thought was that this describes me.  My first feeling was one of sadness and embarrassment.  This is not the first time for me to have ever realized this about myself, but it just seemed to hit a lot harder when I read that definition.  Like what I've been doing to change this is not enough and it MUST change.  Maybe the extreme of this definition does not describe me, I do not seek out fights or make enemies every where I go and I don't always actively oppose people, but I am hostile in my heart.  I get angry when I feel slighted by someone, or disrespected, or when my intelligence is doubted, when plans change, when my pride is hurt.... I could go  on and on.  Now I know many people probably get angry at many or most of those things.  My struggle is letting go of that anger... moving on without dwelling on it for days on end.  For example, I recently had an experience where I was treated very rudely (not just by my standards but everyone would have thought this was rude!).  I was successful in holding my tongue but not in controlling the irritation in my voice or my facial expressions (and you all know how mean I can look!!).  I did not show these people, who may or may not have been believers, any patience, kindness, self-control, goodness, joy....  and when I left I did not control my tongue when recounting the story to others.  My speech was not 'seasoned with salt' as it calls for it to be in Colossians 4:6 (our pastor challenged us to read Colossians every night this week and Christ is using it in my reshaping).  It wasn't seasoned when I was talking directly to them or about them.  So did they or anyone listening to me get a good representation of Christ, or would even believe that I was a follower of Him?? When I left I could not stop thinking about what I should have said or what I should have done...how I could have "put them in their place." Really, who the heck do I think I am??  I definitely sweat the small stuff.  But why? Why do I feel like I shouldn't be slighted? or disrespected? or have my Intelligence doubted? Why am I so prideful?  Why don't I go with the flow?? I don't really have any answers for that.  I know I am not owed anything, I am promised eternal life with Christ Jesus, but I am not promised a pedestal to sit on while I live this life...I'm not even promised a high horse! I know that and yet.... 

I do not like this about myself.  I do not like people to see me as a complainer, or being negative or angry.  I try to control it.  Like I don't play games with certain people (mainly Brandon Barker who if you know him you probably don't play games with him either!! ha! Love ya Brandon!), I try to not be in situations that I know my high strung self just won't handle well (minus the birthday party I just threw for Blythe...which proved I am definitely way too high strung to do that again!).  I try to pay attention and learn from a friend of mine who always seems so calm, is always thinking of others, and it seems like nothing negative comes from her mouth.  This is what I was doing before Sunday.  Notice something important missing?  I was not praying about it.  I feel like that is what has been impressed on me this week.  Once again.  I cannot change myself. I cannot control this.  Christ can change me.  Christ controls everything.  Why do I always get stuck trying to do things myself?  Why do I not learn from the past? Maybe my intelligence should be doubted! How many times does Christ have to show me this before my initial reaction stops being trying to handle it myself? 

Some of you might wonder why this matters at all.  That's where the devotional Sacred Marriage comes in.  Christ is commanding a change and coming at me with everything I'm reading! Galatians, Colossians... and now Sacred Marriage.  When reading the weekly devotional, the author was telling us how important it is to fortify yourself against sin and satan, don't give him a way in.  Dwelling on things, keeping records of rights and wrongs, holding on to anger...all of those allow sin to take hold and carry you away. They give satan a way in, something to work with, something he can grow and pervert.  So before you know it, you can't think straight and are letting something so small change your actions. It controls you.  Maybe my hostile heart doesn't seem like that big of a deal, maybe it just seems like I'm spunky (do people still use that word?) or like I'm just a strong woman.  How long will it seem that way? How long will it not seem harmful? How long before satan seizes it and makes it so much worse? It already most definitely DOES NOT glorify Christ (does it even get worse than that?).  And isn't that my purpose??? To glorify Him and spread His word?? So I pray for the enmity in me to be destroyed, that my speech is seasoned with salt, and that I become a dang mile thick, metal fortress against satan.  I pray.  


Until next time....