Background

Well, first blog post ever... Here goes nothing!

In order for our moments to make any sense, I need to share our background...
My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, and God could not have found a better match for me.  He is calm when I am...not :), he makes my cheeks hurt from laughing, he is an amazing man of God, and an all around great husband.  He is my best friend.
A little over 3 years ago we decided it was time to start trying to have a baby.  After a year passed with no pregnancy, we went to the doctor for testing.  After tests were run, on both of us, the doctors found what they thought was the reason we hadn't gotten pregnant. We were told insemination would be the next step we needed to take, so we found a specialist and began the process.  This process was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do.  It is a roller coaster of emotions and draining both physically and mentally.  Our first insemination was not a success.  After waiting for my emotions to level out we tried a 2nd insemination, which was also unsuccessful.  Before starting our 3rd and final session, I asked the doctor if their was any other testing we could do or any other reason the last two treatments did not work.  She offered an option of surgery to go in and check for scar tissue or any blockage.  We chose to have the surgery, and my doctor discovered I had severe endometriosis (a build up of scar tissue causing my insides to stick together---this is the non-medical description of course).  After the removal of all the scar tissue, Doc gave us a 50% chance of conceiving naturally or with insemination the other 50% had to do in-vitro to get pregnant.  From the beginning we said in-vitro was out for us.  I hated all the hormones and stress from the IUIs and in-vitro makes you take even higher dosages of everything... we just couldn't handle it.  A few weeks after the surgery Doc reviewed my levels and told us she still thought insemination was our best shot.  I broke down.  I thought finding the endometriosis was the solution; no more shots, no more blood drawn every other day, no more telling everyone it didn't work, NO MORE!  So what to do now??

I've left out the biggest and most important part of this story so far.  God.  As you can imagine this entire ordeal has been extremely trying emotionally and many ask how we get through it.  The answer is simple.  I have hope in a life far better than this one, an eternity without heartache or fear or disease, a God that is enough no matter what happens here.  I have always prayed for more courage; the courage to share my faith with others without the fear of being rejected.  I often fail miserably when I have an opportunity to share my faith, but not in this instance.  When people hear our struggle I don't shrink away from saying I will be okay because I live for something bigger.  I find joy in the fact that I can see God's answer to my prayers.  I know it is not what I had in mind, but God sees the bigger picture when I only see mine.  I have felt God's arms around me in my most heartbreaking times.  I know he has a plan for me that will bring Him the most glory and that is all I need.  None of this means I don't have nights where I cry myself to sleep or find myself overwhelmed with anger, I mean I am still human.  What this does mean is that I don't get lost in my sadness or anger. I pray and I move on.  I see the joy in this life and love when he turns my "mourning into dancing and my weeping into laughing." He brings me joy.  So when we were faced with the decision of continuing on to our next procedure or waiting we prayed.  During my prayer I got an answer.  Wait.

God's answer wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but we will obey and wait patiently for His plan to unfold.  I will not turn away. He is my strength. He brings me joy. He is greater...