The Holidays

I am thankful to have wonderful family and friends to celebrate the holidays with, and thankful I live in a country where I can celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ without fear of persecution.

However, holidays (or celebrations of any kind for that matter) are hard, and I am kind of glad they are over.  We were both in "Debbie Downer" moods yesterday.  Hopefully we didn't show it too much...  I mean I know children will not give me purpose. I know who gives me purpose and I know my purpose. But all around me I see mom's hugging their children, singing Christmas carols with them, sharing in the joy of santa and presents.  I want to teach my child the meaning of Christmas, I want to hug this child I love but don't have, I want to hear, "Daddy, look what I got!" and see the joy on my husband's face, I want...

Also, with it looking like God is opening our hearts to adoption, I worry about how the rest of our family will handle it.  I kept looking around yesterday and wondering will my child be included like the others?  Will my child feel just as loved? Will people do for them like they do for the others?  I know in their hearts they might feel differently.  I don't think that can be helped sometimes, but will it show?

I know the only answer is to trust God and deal with these thing as they come.  I know worrying is such a useless and often self destructing thing to do. But sometimes I girl just needs to vent!  I have found this blog extremely therapeutic.  This is not an issue I am comfortable talking about face to face.  I hate crying in front of people, and that is what happens when this subject is broached.  However, I have not had any problems writing about it.  I feel like the burden is slightly less.
So thanks for listening :)

Coming soon...

I actually do have some joyous things to share!  We adopted a family for Christmas and enjoyed spending time with our family. I haven't posted any of it yet, because I can't find the dumb cord to upload the pictures from my camera!