Well He did it again...

I have put off writing this for the past couple of days.  I just want to say it perfectly and am terrified I will mess it up.

A few posts ago I said I had a new plan.  I felt that with everything Christ has shown us this plan was finally the one He had laid out for us.  Through our journey God has said to me His plans are the important ones, His plans are the ones we follow, and his plans are the ones that will play out.  I made a comment in that post saying I know I don't need to make plans anymore but I just can't help myself.  I find it comforting to follow a plan.  Well God laid my plans aside again.  I am pregnant.

No you did not read that last sentence incorrectly.  I took a pregnancy test January 2nd and then took another one.  Both said positive and after staring at them and the instructions for quite some time I realized I couldn't possibly read them wrong.  I went to the doctor January 3rd and they confirmed it with my blood work.  I still had some reasons to be cautious.  They put me on progesterone twice a day and warned me of an ectopic pregnancy due to my surgery this summer.  On January 11th we went for an ultrasound and I got to see my child's heartbeat.

The arrow is pointing to baby Knight.  Everything was normal.  Everything was surreal.  Everything was amazing.

It seems I had to truly become what I kept telling everyone I was; Ok with whatever God's plan was for us.  I had to accept that I might never have biological children and that if that was true, God's promise was still enough.  I had to move on, I had to let go, I had to make a new plan.  I am not saying that this is the key to getting what you want.  Trying to let go with the hopes of then I'll get what I want is not truly letting go, and God does not promise us everything we want here on earth.  He promises us a life of peace and joy outside of this earth.  I life without disease, pain and heartache. A life we were meant to have.

I am in such awe of our creator right now.  I can look at the events leading up to this moment and see how they have been used for His glory and I am thankful.  Thankful I was found worthy enough to struggle and not turn away from Him.  Thankful that I could be used for His glory.  Thankful that in a world where it is so easy to feel forgotten we have a creator that never forgets us. That He knows we live in a painful world and offers us hope.

I feel God has used my blog to show others that prayer really does work.  We have had some amazing feedback since I started this and have been overwhelmed by the people praying for us and the reaction when they have found out I am pregnant.  I haven't just seen His work in my blog either.  It seems God told a few other people before we knew we were pregnant.  It looks like we all heard what we needed to hear to get us to this point.  When I told my parents the news, it was something they never thought they would hear from their daughter.  BUT my mother had a story for us.  About a week before that night she was talking to her neighbor about me.  My mom was telling her about the blog and her neighbor said, "You know I have a feeling that she is going to have children and it is going to happen soon."  My mom needed that reassurance.  Our God is amazing.  When we told my husband's aunt she responded with this:
"I hope you won't think me insane, but I must tell you something.    It was Christmas morning at church I arrived early and was thanking God for my personal, many, many blessings and for all my family when I got to You and Melissa.  Well, I can't explain it but at that moment I knew.    I've always felt, when I prayed , He was telling me "not yet"  but I was always hopeful.  This time I didn't feel he was telling me "not yet", but "okay".   I can't tell you how hard it was for me not to go and try to find a Harry Potter toy to give to Melissa on Christmas day!   You would've really thought me to be crazy!"

I'm kind of a Harry Potter freak...  Anyway, so many people praying for us and so many people getting responses.  Our God is amazing.

I am still in awe of everything that has happened so quickly.  My husband and I feel that through this journey God was opening our hearts to adoption and so we still plan on adopting in the future.  We are ecstatic to get to see what we can make together, but we can still offer another child a loving home.  We can give a child a chance.  I am thankful that I have such an amazing husband.  I was overjoyed when he told me he would still like to adopt one day.  With or without this pregnancy I am amazingly blessed.

My hope for this blog is that it does not just turn into another baby blog, but it remembers its purpose.  I felt God urging me to tell my story and I have seen it bring Him glory.  I hope that is what it always does.  I hope that people will read this and see God and remember what He did for us, what He does for us, and what He has for us.