The pregnancy is going well. We had a little scare last week and I got put on a week of bed rest. My doctors told me if I wasn't seeing a specialist no one would have made a big deal of the spotting I had. However, I am seeing them at the moment and I had to follow their rules.
I'll be honest. During this time I started to doubt my feelings for my little unborn baby. I wasn't as concerned as everyone else when they found out what was going on. I even went up to work at the end of one of the school days to get things ready for the sub. I started to get worried. What did it mean that I wasn't as worried as everyone else? I mean I did shed a few tears and was nervous the third day I had spotting and the doctors told me to come in, but once they said the baby was ok all nervousness left. I still followed almost all of the doctors rules, but while others were flipping out if I tried to walk around the block I felt no concern. Why was I worried about work instead of going overboard with doing absolutely nothing? I mean isn't that what moms do? Go overboard, worry too much??
After thinking about this for a while I think I understand. It's not that I don't love my child enough to be concerned. It's that I love and trust Christ. I trust His plans and He has kept me at peace through this. No matter what happens He is enough. From the first moment I saw the heart beat, I knew this was God's plan, that this pregnancy would last, and we will have our first child around August 31st. AND even if I am completely wrong about this and something unthinkable happens He is still enough. I am still satisfied with His plan. So it's not that I am not concerned for our little strawberry (the size at the moment!), but that I am confident in the peace God has given me. He tells us to give our burdens to Him, that worrying solves nothing, and for once I am fully grasping that. That doesn't mean I stop following the rules and start doing stupid things. I mean God gave us common sense for a reason! It does mean that I feel no reason to go overboard and worry myself to death.
I love my little strawberry....no matter how sick he/she is making me at the moment! I love how much my husband already loves him/her. I love that everybody has their opinions on boy or girl. It seems to be pretty divided at the moment. I love that my students jokingly tell me I'm getting fatter while the others yell in my defense that I don't even look pregnant! I love that on Wednesday I got to see the shape of the head and even a little arm bud! This baby is so loved and I don't ever need to doubt that.
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